Anxiety Update: Depersonalisation & Claustrophobia

Hey Guys Welcome to my Blog, my Name’s Caitlin Maree!

First off something exciting, I CHANGED MY BANNER WHOOO… I’m good, now onto the actual blog post xo

Today I went to school knowing that I wasn’t going to be able to get through the day without coming home. Either because I psyched myself out or because i just wasn’t going to get through the day.

I woke up and felt that feeling that I always dread, one of the things that makes me get so angry at myself… depersonalisation. I haven’t felt this in a loooong time (1-2 months), I was going great and, I knew that. But today, something just I guess, triggered it… and i don’t know what, but knowing the fact I am alive but don’t feel like I am… just annoys me so much.

 


 

”Depersonalisation can consist of a detachment within the self regarding one’s mind or body, or being a detached observer of oneself. Subjects feel they have changed and that the world has become vague, dreamlike, less real, or lacking in significance.”

 


When i came home today, i talked to my nana about how i was feeling… and everything she said all along about me being claustrophobic was correct. So, today i decided to do something which I was dreading look up what it is and what it means.


 

”Claustrophobia is the fear of being enclosed in a small space or room and having no escape. It can be triggered by many situations or stimuli, including elevators crowded to capacity, windowless rooms, small cars and even tight-necked clothing.”

 


I fear of being in rooms with no easy access of escape, or not being at least 3 seats away from the door. I also fear of long dim hallways with no windows, both of which i encounter at school.

So now that i’ve figured out what is really disturbing me, i can tell the person i see about my anxiety and hopefully, soon, find a solution to help the fears.

I just wanted to update you, just incase you were wondering how I was going…

– Caitlin xoxo

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Teen Super Model of the Year | 2017

Hey guys welcome back to my blog

At the end of last month (July) I submitted my entry into a competition to do with modelling. Now with my anxiety comes the dread that if i do get past online coaching that i will have to travel to QLD’s capital city. But because i love the idea of modelling and thoroughly enjoy it, i’m going to do even better than my best to push through if i make it that far.


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If you want to check out my entry click here.

There are so many beautiful girls entered, most with modelling experience… i feel like this will reeeeeallly bring down my entry and profile but i hope to get at least to the semi’s.

Anyway i thought i’d tell you all, if you by chance follow me and you’ve entered this competition, good luck ❤

– Caitlin xoxo

Anxiety // How our mind is connected to it

Hey There!

I’m back again to talk about anxiety because i had an appointment with my therapist today and i don’t have another appointment for a month which i’m disappointed about because i won’t have any new news and i feel like i’ll need to see her before then…


Today was a generalising day where she asked how i was going and what i had been doing to help myself.

After she had asked multiple questions she started to talk about basically fixed and open mindsets (simplifying it). I have a fixed mindset which in no doubt is easily figured out. She basically said that anxiety is connected through the way we think (in some parts). We all are alright going upward to our peak but once we hit it and start to have to be independent, our heart rates increase and we start to panic. If we say ”IF” we like to think of ways that we would be able to solve each problem which there is always an answer for, but sometimes, the answer is hard to find. Every equation has a solution. She mentioned about how i could try to write all my ”what if’s” down and write solutions to those. I said that it’d probably increase my anxiety because i always have so many what if’s and questions i want to be solved. Though she did say that it would be a good idea to think of solutions, but, she also said that she hopes that i’m not getting to that point… sorry to disappoint you miss but i’m always like that. She said that i seem to be getting better and i’ll be honest here i think i am very slowly. I’m hardly texting my mum so much anymore about when i do feel my anxiety/ feeling off (when i say that i mean like panicky and light headed).


Somehow we got onto my mums business and that lead to another topic that we talked about for the rest of the session, and in summary it was about options/ choices. She said would i rather work at Kmart or in my mums business (ending up getting $220 for photography) i obviously said my mums business because 1. i get the money before i do the job and i don’t always have a schedule of when the photos would have to be done 2. my mums the boss, sooooo yeahh…. 3. IF i did feel unwell then i know that i’d be going home to COMFORT soon. Whereas Kmart, let’s be honest, they don’t CARE about their employees.

So she then related this to anxiety by then explaining that theres always another alternative/ choice/ option that is available and one option is going to be worse then the other. If we look at the bright side and compare the positives of each option the outlook will be more positive then if we were to compare just the negatives which the human brain automatically does.

Eg. ”your local bookshop pays you $10 an hour vs the clothing shop which pays $15 an hour.  The bookshop is closer to home vs the clothing shop. The clothing shop job has a higher ranking compared to the bookshop.”

Do you see what i mean? We all have choices but if we look at the bright side and apply it to our situation, we can get a better understanding.


I’m going to write what the lady wrote for me to do:

  1. Clearly define the problem.
  2. List all options (go crazy, it doesn’t matter if they don’t all make total sense) AND INCLUDE what you’re currently doing to ”help” the problem.
  3. Weight up the PRO’s and CON’s for each listed option.
  4. Prioritise options but numbering them. Then pick one!
  5. Work out; ”Who, what, when, why and how” etc.
  6. Make the plan.
  7. Do it.
  8. Review it/  see how well you went.

I think this would be a good exercise for me to do at school, because i really would be concentrating on the topics then focusing on how troubled i am, but, before i do it at school i’m going to do it at home because… i’m not too sure how well i could handle all of it.

What i have noticed is that i have expanded my comfort zone. I’m now able to breath and calm myself down some what, whereas that use to freak me out! Also, if i’m feeling off or i can feel my anxiety increase i will hold onto it for as long as i can (expanding the zone) and then go somewhere i feel as ease (comfort).


I hope this has helped some of you!

email me at caitlinmareebusiness@gmail.com if you’re in need of someone to talk to <3-

-Caitlin Maree

New YouTube Channel!

Hey There!

So i’ve been gone for the past few days because i’ve been setting up my new YouTube channel, along with filming and editing my first video! Today i’m going to film a collective haul from the past few months and i will upload it next Sunday. I also will be filming and editing a video everyday next week. I’m doing this because i’ll then have videos for my channel for 6-7 weeks when school goes back. Also, i have all week 2 off next term because there’s a camp and i wont be attending. The camp actually goes for 3 days and 2 nights but that Monday is some holiday in Australia or my State and then theres no point going Tuesday because we won’t be doing anything. This means that i’ll have videos for the next 3 Months! I’m so pumped and motivated to kick off my new channel. If you were previously subscribed to Caitlin Maree please go and subscribe to BeautyBBee.

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In this video i explain why i restarted and tell you quite a bit about me. If you want me to do a Q&A or have any requested videos, please comment them below.

Have a good day!

-Caitlin Maree /BeautyBBee

I’ve Realised A Few Things

Hey There!

I’ve realised a few things in these last few days.

I seem to blog a lot about life issues, struggles and life.

I seem to want to put out a positive vibe into the world, in my own way. Not donating to my schools multiple charities which gives money to people to buy pigs or have enough utensils for school. I can’t really afford to give my money away. My mum doesn’t agree with giving it away either, if you need it keep it, money lets you live and have choices.

But, i seem to want to make people realise certain things or rant and let people know about how to handle things. I don’t know how to explain it

Or maybe i just like rant about nonsense.

My anxiety post actually got 16 likes which is amazing! So i wanted to also say thank you!


This is how i’m going to go about my blog from now on!

Every second day: Posts about life eg. anxiety, book reviews (unlikely, but possible), stress, bullying etc.

Every other day: Makeup (and any other related content), Lush posts or beauty


It’s really hard to have a day with great lighting and have school work and study along with outside school checkups and personal problems. So i will only post beauty posts around 3-4 times each week. I only post beauty/ makeup photos that i love, so, i currently have a ton of pictures i could post but i decide not to because i don’t like them and they don’t seem to catch my eye or go with the theme of my blog or Instagram etc.

Thanks for your understanding xx

email me on caitlinmareebusiness@gmail.com for any enquiries!

EDIT: Also my Instagram links aren’t working and i’m not too sure about my youtube link either, but i’ll try to fix it this weekend. If you do happen to want to check out any of my pages just ask below and i’ll happily give you the username xx

Mecca Maxima // Beauty Loop Birthday Gift

Hey guys! 

During the early hours (7am) of Tuesday morning i placed an order to Mecca Maxima and ordered two things.


Products Bought:

  1. Urban Decay, AfterDark eyeshadow palette
  2. SmashBox, Photo-Finish lid primer

 

Both of which i’ll do a review on in the next few days. So if you’re thinking about buying those products, it’ll be a perfect opportunity for you to learn a thing or two.

Sadly today, i will be talking about something a little less exciting, yet, still pretty cool. I’m currently on level 2 of the Mecca Maxima Beauty Loop. Basically this means that i spend $600-$1199 every year at Mecca to be able to be on level 2. Level 3 is the next level i will move onto but only if i spend over $1200 each year, and i don’t know if i’ll get that far, maybe when i’m older but definitely not at this age. I need to spend $511 by the 15/4/17 and obviously that being a month away is not going to happen. But, if i spend $384 by the 15/11/17 i’ll stay in level 2, which will probably happen, but again a healthy finance is important. Anyway, so you might wonder, how does this all related to the Mecca Birthday Gift? If i was you, i’d be thinking that too. Basically, what happens is, if you’re on level 2 or 3 you’ll be sent a gift when you next order online (within the next month or two, i believe). Now you can’t pick the gift and everyone gets the same present so, if you’re on level 2 you’ll recieve a ”Mecca Cosmetica, hand wash”. Whoop de do hey? Yeah, nah, i thought so too… So i wasn’t too happy with the item they give you like, why not give you a full sized lipstick or something? After all, you did spend over $600 to get to level 2, or at least, you should be able to pick your gift yourself. The hand wash also isn’t available online, so if you do so happen to fall in love with it, you can’t repurchase it. It also has a 12 month expiration date, so you should be using this hand wash up within 12 months, (supposedly). Another thing to point out, there is 400ml (13.52 Oz), so, it’s quite a generous amount.


 

 

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Beauty Loop Level Two Birthday Gift: Bottle & Packaging

 


 

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Beauty Loop Level Two Birthday Gift: Description

 


The colour of the soap is a light yellow, the standard hand-wash colour from your supermarket, (wish it was blue or pink, or just tinted a nice colour). There are also a bunch of gorgeous smelling and natural ingredients in it, (i’m presuming that’s why the colour isn’t appealing, unfortunately there is chemicals in it so it’s not up to my Lush standards but it is not tested on animals!). Though, the scent is unbelievable! It’s so fresh and flowery, uh, it’s sublime.


Natural Ingredients:

  • Pink grapefruit
  • Oat extracts
  • Apricot Kernel oil
  • Bergamot oil
  • Gardenia extract

 

Other than that, i’m not sure what to say. There isn’t that much more to say about a hand-wash, apart from mention a few ingredients, mention the smell and what it looks like. And just so you know, no  i haven’t tried it, and i don’t plan to until my two other hand-washes in my bathroom run out, so i can’t say whether or not it makes my fingers and palms feel like a babies bottom. I’m not expecting much, a hand-wash is a hand-wash and it’s job is to makeup your hands smell nice and remove germs, then again, it looks aesthetically pleasing, and would look right at home on a shelf of mine.

Overall, do i like it? Yes, the scent smells like fresh Gardenia’s and also has quite a few nourishing items in it. It looks aesthetically pleasing, (apart from he yellow colouring) and seems to be quite a nice item.


 

If you have any questions, don’t be afraid to leave a comment. I’ll get back to you as soon as i can.

Caitlin Maree // AKA BeautyBBee

 

Colour Hide Sent Me a Package! (Review/ Haul)

Hi There!

So yesterday, really early in the morning, the post man came a delivered me a package from Colour Hide. I was super excited to open this package as i knew they would be sending me highlighters… i was in desperate need of some! Luckily, they arrived at the perfect time! Just as all my school was had run out. So now i have 6 new awesome highlighters. Basically, the way i’ll be reviewing them is

  1. Quality
  2. Colour
  3. Ergonomics

For the notebooks they sent me, there’s not much to say about them apart from the quality.

For the highlighters, firstly I’m going to say i can’t fault them at all! They quality of them is the best I’ve tried! They are said to have ”German technology” which means that they shine brighter, now i see no shine but i will say that they are very bright! On the back of the highlighters packaging it say ”4 hours of anti-dry cap off time”. Now, i haven’t tried this and i don’t really want to but, I’m going to take their word for it. The colours that come within the six pack are, pink, blue, peach (my favourite), yellow, orange and green. All of the colours are very bright and… pigmented if that’s the word? They colours don’t bleed through any paper (i’ve tried multiple notebooks and not just the Colour Hide brand). Because of this, i don’t have to worry about whats on the other side of the paper anymore, (i use to have to check because my other highlighters were really bad quality ugh!). The last point i want to mention is ergonomics. Unlike other highlighters, these ones have are curving continuously. Know, i’ve had thick brick highlighters and thin as ones so these brightly coloured, awesome patterned highlighters seem like luxury to me.

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As for the notebooks, the paper is strong and thick (which i like) and i don’t mean as in thick width wise but they aren’t shear like other books i own. Each page has its own perforated section, which makes it easy to rip out if need be and the patterns on the front as so super cute and trendy!

That pretty much wraps this up, or should i say thats the end of another chapter or thats the last line this page will be receiving, hahahheee uhhh, anyway.

Any questions? Don’t be afraid to ask in the comments below! 

– Caitlin Maree

Christmas Room Tour | CaiitlinMaree

Hey There!

So first off i just wanted to say… Merry Christmas!! xo

I hope you all are having a wonderful day and you have gotton some awesome presents!

Sneak Peak! of my new video up at 9pm AEST tonight!

Christmas Room Tpur \\2015.jpgOh yes! And guess what *what* there are still two! Yes two, more CHRISTMAS videos in the coming week plus my best of 2015 makeup video!

Be sure to tune in at 9PM AEST tonight for a new video!

Caitlin xo