Anxiety Update: Depersonalisation & Claustrophobia

Hey Guys Welcome to my Blog, my Name’s Caitlin Maree!

First off something exciting, I CHANGED MY BANNER WHOOO… I’m good, now onto the actual blog post xo

Today I went to school knowing that I wasn’t going to be able to get through the day without coming home. Either because I psyched myself out or because i just wasn’t going to get through the day.

I woke up and felt that feeling that I always dread, one of the things that makes me get so angry at myself… depersonalisation. I haven’t felt this in a loooong time (1-2 months), I was going great and, I knew that. But today, something just I guess, triggered it… and i don’t know what, but knowing the fact I am alive but don’t feel like I am… just annoys me so much.

 

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”Depersonalisation can consist of a detachment within the self regarding one’s mind or body, or being a detached observer of oneself. Subjects feel they have changed and that the world has become vague, dreamlike, less real, or lacking in significance.”

 

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When i came home today, i talked to my nana about how i was feeling… and everything she said all along about me being claustrophobic was correct. So, today i decided to do something which I was dreading look up what it is and what it means.

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”Claustrophobia is the fear of being enclosed in a small space or room and having no escape. It can be triggered by many situations or stimuli, including elevators crowded to capacity, windowless rooms, small cars and even tight-necked clothing.”

 

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I fear of being in rooms with no easy access of escape, or not being at least 3 seats away from the door. I also fear of long dim hallways with no windows, both of which i encounter at school.

So now that i’ve figured out what is really disturbing me, i can tell the person i see about my anxiety and hopefully, soon, find a solution to help the fears.

I just wanted to update you, just incase you were wondering how I was going…

– Caitlin xoxo

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Teen Super Model of the Year | 2017

Hey guys welcome back to my blog

At the end of last month (July) I submitted my entry into a competition to do with modelling. Now with my anxiety comes the dread that if i do get past online coaching that i will have to travel to QLD’s capital city. But because i love the idea of modelling and thoroughly enjoy it, i’m going to do even better than my best to push through if i make it that far.

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If you want to check out my entry click here.

There are so many beautiful girls entered, most with modelling experience… i feel like this will reeeeeallly bring down my entry and profile but i hope to get at least to the semi’s.

Anyway i thought i’d tell you all, if you by chance follow me and you’ve entered this competition, good luck ❤

– Caitlin xoxo

Anxiety // How our mind is connected to it

Hey There!

I’m back again to talk about anxiety because i had an appointment with my therapist today and i don’t have another appointment for a month which i’m disappointed about because i won’t have any new news and i feel like i’ll need to see her before then…

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Today was a generalising day where she asked how i was going and what i had been doing to help myself.

After she had asked multiple questions she started to talk about basically fixed and open mindsets (simplifying it). I have a fixed mindset which in no doubt is easily figured out. She basically said that anxiety is connected through the way we think (in some parts). We all are alright going upward to our peak but once we hit it and start to have to be independent, our heart rates increase and we start to panic. If we say ”IF” we like to think of ways that we would be able to solve each problem which there is always an answer for, but sometimes, the answer is hard to find. Every equation has a solution. She mentioned about how i could try to write all my ”what if’s” down and write solutions to those. I said that it’d probably increase my anxiety because i always have so many what if’s and questions i want to be solved. Though she did say that it would be a good idea to think of solutions, but, she also said that she hopes that i’m not getting to that point… sorry to disappoint you miss but i’m always like that. She said that i seem to be getting better and i’ll be honest here i think i am very slowly. I’m hardly texting my mum so much anymore about when i do feel my anxiety/ feeling off (when i say that i mean like panicky and light headed).

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Somehow we got onto my mums business and that lead to another topic that we talked about for the rest of the session, and in summary it was about options/ choices. She said would i rather work at Kmart or in my mums business (ending up getting $220 for photography) i obviously said my mums business because 1. i get the money before i do the job and i don’t always have a schedule of when the photos would have to be done 2. my mums the boss, sooooo yeahh…. 3. IF i did feel unwell then i know that i’d be going home to COMFORT soon. Whereas Kmart, let’s be honest, they don’t CARE about their employees.

So she then related this to anxiety by then explaining that theres always another alternative/ choice/ option that is available and one option is going to be worse then the other. If we look at the bright side and compare the positives of each option the outlook will be more positive then if we were to compare just the negatives which the human brain automatically does.

Eg. ”your local bookshop pays you $10 an hour vs the clothing shop which pays $15 an hour.  The bookshop is closer to home vs the clothing shop. The clothing shop job has a higher ranking compared to the bookshop.”

Do you see what i mean? We all have choices but if we look at the bright side and apply it to our situation, we can get a better understanding.

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I’m going to write what the lady wrote for me to do:

1. Clearly define the problem.
2. List all options (go crazy, it doesn’t matter if they don’t all make total sense) AND INCLUDE what you’re currently doing to ”help” the problem.
3. Weight up the PRO’s and CON’s for each listed option.
4. Prioritise options but numbering them. Then pick one!
5. Work out; ”Who, what, when, why and how” etc.
6. Make the plan.
7. Do it.
8. Review it/  see how well you went.

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I think this would be a good exercise for me to do at school, because i really would be concentrating on the topics then focusing on how troubled i am, but, before i do it at school i’m going to do it at home because… i’m not too sure how well i could handle all of it.

What i have noticed is that i have expanded my comfort zone. I’m now able to breath and calm myself down some what, whereas that use to freak me out! Also, if i’m feeling off or i can feel my anxiety increase i will hold onto it for as long as i can (expanding the zone) and then go somewhere i feel as ease (comfort).

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I hope this has helped some of you!

email me at caitlinmareebusiness@gmail.com if you’re in need of someone to talk to <3-

-Caitlin Maree

New YouTube Channel!

Hey There!

So i’ve been gone for the past few days because i’ve been setting up my new YouTube channel, along with filming and editing my first video! Today i’m going to film a collective haul from the past few months and i will upload it next Sunday. I also will be filming and editing a video everyday next week. I’m doing this because i’ll then have videos for my channel for 6-7 weeks when school goes back. Also, i have all week 2 off next term because there’s a camp and i wont be attending. The camp actually goes for 3 days and 2 nights but that Monday is some holiday in Australia or my State and then theres no point going Tuesday because we won’t be doing anything. This means that i’ll have videos for the next 3 Months! I’m so pumped and motivated to kick off my new channel. If you were previously subscribed to Caitlin Maree please go and subscribe to BeautyBBee.

In this video i explain why i restarted and tell you quite a bit about me. If you want me to do a Q&A or have any requested videos, please comment them below.

Have a good day!

-Caitlin Maree /BeautyBBee

Feeling Better

Hey There!

So today i would say i felt as good as great! Which is not what i’ve been use to haha!I’m honestly so happy that my anxiety didn’t play up today and i overall was calm. Whenever i see my therapist the next week seems to be the best i feel.

I will say though that towards the end of the day, i started to feel uneasy, but overall not bad. Basically, i kept telling myself to expand the comfort zone and reach out and remember to breath out then in.

Yesterday, my therapist also said that it’s better to breath out first then in, this is because your lungs will relax first and breath in new air rather then try and squeeze in the and and breath out. Breath out, then you will feel more relaxed. Imagine the meter bar expanding. 

Also today i had my last test and handed in my last assignment! WHOO school term is nearly over! The assignment was so cringe because it was a informative, skit to do with scams… uh, so cringe! I literally was like crying of laughter, nervousness and hiding under the desk haha! (lil’ immature i know but anyway..)

If you’re a beauty lover, stay tuned in because during this coming weekend i’ll be posting some beauty pictures! I’m sorry to those who prefer beauty over my health posts, heh, but both things are important to me ❤

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Also i want to do a Q&A within the next week so please ask some questions. It can be about beauty, youtube, anxiety – anything!

If you want to talk email me at caitlinmareebusiness@gmail.com

-Caitlin ❤

Anxiety – Expanding your Comfort Zone & Social Anxiety

Hey There!

So today was the second time i went to see my therapist for my stress and anxiety. If you’re new here then please read my previous posts from my ”Anxiety” tab.

So the lesson basically was about expanding your comfort zone. She described it as ”You have a meter, one end is extreme the middle is uncomfortable and the end is comfortable”. Currently i’m in the uncomfortable to extreme, yay me…

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The best way to make that comfort zone expand slowly is to do things naturally. Don’t force yourself to breath slowly and hum for a certain amount of seconds, timing is something that drives anxiety and in the two exercises she’s given me she’s told me to do everything in my own speed.

She’s told me to do several things:

• Ride my bike, for however long i want. She said for not to time myself or say how long i  must ride for, but do it naturally and for as long as i want. Basically, be a free spirit and go with the wind ❤
• Go to the mall and wear sunglasses, this is for my social anxiety more so. She said to me, ”go to your local mall and sit outside and wear your sunnies, notice how people will glance at you and look at you, but not stare or care. It’s normal for people to look or glance and you’ll find that within this exercise. But what you’ll find, is not what your expecting, no-one will stare or look at you for more then 5 seconds”. If you are suffering from social anxiety, i personally think this exercise would be great ❤

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She also said:

Eat something you don’t particularly like, eg for me it’s water with juice, (it just tastes so weird!). Gradually, add more and more water, you start off with a quarter of a cup and then move to half etc.  Over time your comfort zone will expand and you will slowly get use to the taste, this is your comfort zone expanding, this is your brain telling you that you can deal with it and you’re use to it. If you apply this to several other things it makes sense.

Example: School

You need to push yourself, tell yourself ”you are fine” ”you’ve got this” ”you’ve done this before” ”it’s achievable” and positive words. You’d be surprised how well this works. I’m going to apply this for when i’m at school and i’m feeling light headed. Keep pushing yourself to walk and continue to get through the day, if you/ I start to panic ask to take a walk or go to sickbay. I usually doodle small drawings or tap in time to a tempo and tell myself that theres not long till schools over and i can go back to my comfortable bed and computer. I also message my mum, and if i feel like i’m able to fall over and i’m seeing white or feel like i could be sick, i go to sickbay. Though this hasnt’ happened for probably 4-5 weeks, which is great!

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That’s all i’ve got to tell you guys today, but, i hope it’s helped or even given you the confidence to try. ALSO, i decided i waned to do a Q&A on here so please ASK QUESTIONS BELOW ❤

Email me on caitlinmareebusiness@gmail.com if you need to talk

– Caitlin xo

I’ve Realised A Few Things

Hey There!

I’ve realised a few things in these last few days.

I seem to blog a lot about life issues, struggles and life.

I seem to want to put out a positive vibe into the world, in my own way. Not donating to my schools multiple charities which gives money to people to buy pigs or have enough utensils for school. I can’t really afford to give my money away. My mum doesn’t agree with giving it away either, if you need it keep it, money lets you live and have choices.

But, i seem to want to make people realise certain things or rant and let people know about how to handle things. I don’t know how to explain it

Or maybe i just like rant about nonsense.

My anxiety post actually got 16 likes which is amazing! So i wanted to also say thank you!

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This is how i’m going to go about my blog from now on!

Every second day: Posts about life eg. anxiety, book reviews (unlikely, but possible), stress, bullying etc.

Every other day: Makeup (and any other related content), Lush posts or beauty

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It’s really hard to have a day with great lighting and have school work and study along with outside school checkups and personal problems. So i will only post beauty posts around 3-4 times each week. I only post beauty/ makeup photos that i love, so, i currently have a ton of pictures i could post but i decide not to because i don’t like them and they don’t seem to catch my eye or go with the theme of my blog or Instagram etc.

Thanks for your understanding xx

email me on caitlinmareebusiness@gmail.com for any enquiries!

EDIT: Also my Instagram links aren’t working and i’m not too sure about my youtube link either, but i’ll try to fix it this weekend. If you do happen to want to check out any of my pages just ask below and i’ll happily give you the username xx

Feeling Low? You’re Not Alone!

Hey Guys!

As you might be able to tell from my previous post, i’ve been feeling really low lately. It always occurs when i’m at school, i just want to give up fighting and go home, but i know i can’t i need to get an education and i can’t just keep falling into the pit and asking for help and for someone to save me, i need to save myself. I need to try and keep pushing myself even though i’m feeling low and am about to crack.

It’s really hard to keep your head high when you’re feeling low, and sometimes, the best thing to do is take a break, and cry. Let your emotions out and talk to a close someone. Having your feelings pour out, even if they don’t make sense, can sometimes be that one thing that makes you heal. I’ve done this before, and i still do to this day. I still feel like giving up and not pushing on, but i do. Because you know what? I know i’ve felt worse in the past and i know there are people out there that are worse off then me. Even when i’m in sh** up to my knees.

I keep telling myself to push on, to not give up, calm down and to remember who else out there is feeling low, i’m not alone.

I want you to remember not about how you’re feeling when you’re low, but remember when you are happy and were living that great life. Because, if you work hard enough and have patience, there will be rewards. Think about how well your future will be and not about being single or not getting that scholarship. Because there is always going to be a second chance, even if people say there won’t be, if you work hard enough, chances will open up and there you’ll receive your second chance, because if you want it that bad, little openings will appear and you will make those small openings become bigger and achieve your goal.

Keep pushing on, don’t give up and remember the good times!

If you want to talk my email is caitlinmareebusiness@gmail.com

-Caitlin

Anxiety – How I ”Deal” With Anxiety: If You Want To Talk

Hey Guys!

So i’m going to start a Anxiety/ if you want to talk to me series. At the end of this post, if you’re wanting to talk to me, comment below and tell me you’ve emailed me on caitlinmareebusiness@gmail.com . I will delete your comment so no one knows about your identity and if you’ve emailed me, I just want you to comment so I can get a reference/ I know that I need to check my emails straight away.

In todays post i’ll be talking about ”Anxiety”. Everyone will have Anxiety in some point within their life. But, as my Therapist says, ”Anxiety is essential to human life, you can’t live without anxiety”. I’ve only seen her once but i’ve learnt so much already. Anxiety drives us everyday, it helps us to make choices and decisions that impact on what we do. This kind of Anxiety is normal and is not diagnosed because it’s not serious. Let me tell you, if you’re experiencing physical effects from anxiety go see a therapist! I experience physical effects from anxiety everyday. I feel light headed or dizzy (but i haven’t for two weeks this Friday, yay) i get hot/ sweaty (still happening), i get numb legs and feel like i’ll fall over (happens whenever i walk/ still happening), racing heart, twitching muscles (i have this everyday at random times) and lastly; everyday i question, ”am i alive, is this real, how am i walking, am i dreaming – is my whole life a dream in my head, is this real- is this real- is this real- is this real?!??!

This is me asking you, how do i stop this!? I can’t literally go an even 1 hour without thinking am i alive is this real, and repeating that over and over and over agin and again! It really annoys me too because i know it’ll stop and go away eventually but i just don’t know when. I’ve talked to my mum about this and she actually went through THE SAME THING as me now, (but that was back when she was pregnant with me). I asked her how did she get rid of the thought, and all she said was, ”it just went away. I kept myself busy so i wouldn’t think about it and after some time the thought went away”. Obviously, this isn’t much help and because of my Anxiety and being a single child, i literally wouldn’t be able to sit down at all if i tried this.

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Now i’m going to be giving tips on how to deal with the situation.

Tips: Physical 

Dizzyness/ feeling hot

• If you get dizzy, get out of there. It’s best to be in environment where you feel calmer and are comfortable. Now it’s hard if you’re at work or school, but, i have tips for that too.
• If you’re at work or school, ask another team member or student to take over for a bit or take notes for you, go to the back room (toilet or sick bay at school), hop on your phone and text someone saying you feel dizzy, now this will only work of you have a team member and if that member actually cares, (some people won’t give two sh***, and this can be hard). Texting a friend that you feel unwell gives you a feeling of… eh, i’m not sure how to describe it…. assurance? But having someone know that I’m not feeling well seems to settle me down.
• Drink water, for some this could make you feel worse, for myself it seems to help. Take small sips and not gulps, sips are slower where as gulps are faster and will increase your heart rate.
• Go for a walk, fresh oxygen is important and so is exercise, this will stimulate your red blood cells and produce more oxygen to your brain and body, just make sure to take someone with you incase you faint.
• Stay under air-con or have a fan pointed at you, sometimes panic attacks can be caused by the heat, so cooling yourself down will prevent the attack processing further.

Twitching Muscles

• Have a rest, resting your muscles for a bit can ease the twitching.
• Wheat bag/ heat pack, when you have cramps a heat bag is that miracle worker, this also works for muscles too!

Numb legs/ parts of your body

• Tell yourself everything will be ok, theres nothing you can really do for this apart from reassuring yourself that once you’ve finished what you have to do you can rest.

Racing Heart

• Calm yourself, this is hard especially if your panicking about the situation. Take deep breaths and count to 2 each time eg. breath in 1,2 breath out 1,2.
• Close your eyes and put your hands to your heart, for me this works but for some i imagine that this could make the situation worse.

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Now thats only physical effects, so as seen there is a lot to anxiety and for a non-professional aka myself, it’s hard to make sure what you’re saying is correct, i know for some, these things might work and for others it won’t, like I said, i’m not a professional and i cannot declare if you do have serious Anxiety. Also depending on what your experiencing i might be able to give more ideas on how to deal with the physical effects ❤

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Tips: Mental 

Now i’m generalising this because there are so many thoughts one can think of.

• Take deep breathes 
• Concentrate on one object for 1-2 minutes, (lose focus, focus on a physical object)
• Keep going, push yourself! It’s so hard i know, of all people i would know, but at the end of the day knowing you gave it your all and pushed through means that you can keep doing that and being successful if you put your mind to it.
• Distract yourself by talking to friends, having people talk to you can help, just tell them if you’ve had enough and would like them to be quite after awhile.
• One day at a time, don’t think overly of the future, focus on today and now.
• Don’t say ”if”, saying words like ”should, have to, need to, ought to, must” are all negative words, replace these words with ”want, love, i think i should” more positive words, this can really change your mindset.

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Guys that’s all i have for today. I’ve been typing for an hour and a half putting my heart and soul into this post for those who are in need of it, if there is anything you want me to add please tell me below xx For the sake of spreading positivity around and showing girls don’t wear makeup to impress others heres like the only picture i have of myself without makeup (how sad… this is from May last year).

I just need to learn to take my own advice and get through my Anxiety…

”If you want to talk, don’t be afraid to ask questions below or send me an email”

I always have time for you

Mecca Maxima // Beauty Loop Birthday Gift

Hey guys! 

During the early hours (7am) of Tuesday morning i placed an order to Mecca Maxima and ordered two things.

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Products Bought:

1. Urban Decay, AfterDark eyeshadow palette
2. SmashBox, Photo-Finish lid primer

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Both of which i’ll do a review on in the next few days. So if you’re thinking about buying those products, it’ll be a perfect opportunity for you to learn a thing or two.

Sadly today, i will be talking about something a little less exciting, yet, still pretty cool. I’m currently on level 2 of the Mecca Maxima Beauty Loop. Basically this means that i spend $600-$1199 every year at Mecca to be able to be on level 2. Level 3 is the next level i will move onto but only if i spend over $1200 each year, and i don’t know if i’ll get that far, maybe when i’m older but definitely not at this age. I need to spend $511 by the 15/4/17 and obviously that being a month away is not going to happen. But, if i spend $384 by the 15/11/17 i’ll stay in level 2, which will probably happen, but again a healthy finance is important. Anyway, so you might wonder, how does this all related to the Mecca Birthday Gift? If i was you, i’d be thinking that too. Basically, what happens is, if you’re on level 2 or 3 you’ll be sent a gift when you next order online (within the next month or two, i believe). Now you can’t pick the gift and everyone gets the same present so, if you’re on level 2 you’ll recieve a ”Mecca Cosmetica, hand wash”. Whoop de do hey? Yeah, nah, i thought so too… So i wasn’t too happy with the item they give you like, why not give you a full sized lipstick or something? After all, you did spend over $600 to get to level 2, or at least, you should be able to pick your gift yourself. The hand wash also isn’t available online, so if you do so happen to fall in love with it, you can’t repurchase it. It also has a 12 month expiration date, so you should be using this hand wash up within 12 months, (supposedly). Another thing to point out, there is 400ml (13.52 Oz), so, it’s quite a generous amount.

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Beauty Loop Level Two Birthday Gift: Bottle & Packaging

 

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Beauty Loop Level Two Birthday Gift: Description

 

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The colour of the soap is a light yellow, the standard hand-wash colour from your supermarket, (wish it was blue or pink, or just tinted a nice colour). There are also a bunch of gorgeous smelling and natural ingredients in it, (i’m presuming that’s why the colour isn’t appealing, unfortunately there is chemicals in it so it’s not up to my Lush standards but it is not tested on animals!). Though, the scent is unbelievable! It’s so fresh and flowery, uh, it’s sublime.

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Natural Ingredients:

• Pink grapefruit
• Oat extracts
• Apricot Kernel oil
• Bergamot oil
• Gardenia extract

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Other than that, i’m not sure what to say. There isn’t that much more to say about a hand-wash, apart from mention a few ingredients, mention the smell and what it looks like. And just so you know, no  i haven’t tried it, and i don’t plan to until my two other hand-washes in my bathroom run out, so i can’t say whether or not it makes my fingers and palms feel like a babies bottom. I’m not expecting much, a hand-wash is a hand-wash and it’s job is to makeup your hands smell nice and remove germs, then again, it looks aesthetically pleasing, and would look right at home on a shelf of mine.

Overall, do i like it? Yes, the scent smells like fresh Gardenia’s and also has quite a few nourishing items in it. It looks aesthetically pleasing, (apart from he yellow colouring) and seems to be quite a nice item.

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If you have any questions, don’t be afraid to leave a comment. I’ll get back to you as soon as i can.

Caitlin Maree // AKA BeautyBBee